signal-strengthDear God,

My computer is irritating me again this morning.  Lately, it has been constantly and consistently dropping my online connection.  I will be right in the middle of my work or research or email and KABANG!  Not connected.  Verizon tells me that this is a problem of being in a zone where I am not receiving a strong enough signal.  Maybe I need to be closer to a window.

I am now thinking about some past associations in therapy where I discovered that my “outside” world was reflecting my “inner” world.  Aha!  Lately, I have been feeling disconnected.  It’s a lot like my computer.  I will do my morning prayer and connect with You then later, KABANG.  Not connected.  So, I am wondering.  How do I maintain my signal strength and keep a strong connection with You all day long?

I am planning a trip to the Verizon store today because in discussing the problem with them, I discovered they have a couple of improved versions of data air cards – unbeknownst to me.  They even have one that is installed inside the computer and doesn’t even require a USB port.

This makes me think that perhaps in my enthusiasm for “praying with my fingers,” I have neglected the inner work for the outer and what is happening is that my signal strength has been weakened.  Writing my prayer is a wonderful tool for connecting with You, God but, like we have talked about before, that doesn’t negate my need to LISTEN.  And, I have to admit, I have not been listening.  When I listen, it is like having Your connection installed inside where it will work – uninterrupted — without my having to constantly seek to reconnect during the day.  I don’t need an outside USB port when I have a strong internal connection.  One boot up in the morning and I am good to go.

And maybe, just like I am taking a visit to the Verizon store for additional support, I may need to visit an AA meeting to reconnect with some outside support too.  An AA meeting is like the Verizon store – a place to go to find tools (or remember them) to help me maintain my signal strength.  (My twenty year old program may need an update!)

Step 11:  “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

From the 12/12 on Step Eleven:  “And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support.”

Photo:  sirnerd.com @ flickr