dragonflyDear God,

As I sit listening to the silence, I think how very different this morning is from the stormy morning of yesterday.  Most people probably don’t know that silence has a sound – well except for Simon and Garfunkel – but their thoughts on silence don’t really fit with mine.  I revel in the blessed Silence because I know that is where and how I can be closest to You.

Another strange aspect of the morning is that I have a sense of Fall – that’s a strange feeling in the midst of a hot summer.  It is a lovely feeling though – Thinking of the first blustery day of Fall evokes memories of crisp fresh air, the harmony of mountain leaves changing color, a campfire burning, football games, and the sensual pleasure of soft sweaters.  A dragonfly in the window stops my daydreaming and I am back in sunny Florida – not North Carolina — where the pressing heat reminds me of the desert and returns me to my morning prayers.

Last night’s OA meeting was on Step One.  Admitting powerlessness.  These days, powerlessness has a whole new meaning to me.  In the beginning of my journey, I would admit powerlessness and then look to other people to tell me what to do – how to live my life.  I used to think it would be so nice if someone would just give me a list of instructions to follow (actually, the Twelve Steps are a list of instructions)!!  But, no one gets to have ultimate authority over me today except You, God.  Today, I can listen to suggestions and take what I want and leave the rest.

There are people in recovery programs who give all their power over to another person (or persons).  There are also people who are willing to take that power and exercise control over others – for their own good, of course.  I have seen times when such arrangements seem to work.  I have – at times – wished I could be a person who could surrender everything and just follow.  And, I can – when that surrender is to You, God.  Surrendering my will and my life over to another person, place or thing is a soul killer – at least for me.  I have to follow the truth that I find inside – that’s where I believe You live.  Inside of me.  Yes, You can (and do) speak through others but I am always the one who is required to discern (with Your help) what the message is for me.  Just like I believe you speak to me today through Dr. Michael Beckwith:

“To grow up spiritually means to take personal responsibility for your growth and development.  You drop followship for leadership by Spirit.  While you learn from your teachers, you don’t make them your gods.  You don’t pedestalize them, thinking they will do the work for you, that their mere words transform you………You may have many teachers, but only one Master:  God alone.  You must follow your own unique pattern of unfoldment directed from within.”

Romans 1: 19 – “For the truth about God is known to them instinctively; God has put this knowledge in their hearts.”

photo by: Austin Sullivan@flickr.com