PrayingWithMyFingers

Dear God,

So, God, I got your message loud and clear about whether or not I should volunteer to deliver Holy Communion to the nursing home.  First, there was my conscious, Blanche, responding to my earlier post on the issue, “Doing the hard jobs for God is just that hard work, but it shouldn’t stop us from doing it. We work through it and feel God’s presence knowing that His word reminds us that when we do for the least of these we are doing for God…you are so on the right track. The more we do for others the more we get out of our own stuff.”

Then there was sweet brother Tim echoing Blanche’s opinion and sharing with me his experience in visiting people in nursing homes.  Then Joel Osteen, “A major key to enjoying life is that we live to give.”  Finally, I called the church still holding on to my last excuse about not being able to get to the scheduled training by 12:15pm because of a conflict only to hear that the time was changed to 12:30pm which worked perfectly to get me there.  Sometimes, God, You can be really loud.  But maybe I can’t always hear You – loud or not – because I want Your response to be what — deep down — I really want in my selfish self.

I have been struggling for several years now with trying to find a “fit” or a way to volunteer in order to be giving something back instead of always being a taker.  It used to be so easy because I had April.  I gave, and gave and gave feeling as if there was no end to my ability to give to this daughter I love.  After she left home for college, I seemed not to know my place in the world anymore.  If I wasn’t a mother with someone to love and care for, who was I?  Loosing April to adulthood seemed to negate my purpose in life.  I have tired to find a remedy in work but ultimately there is not the same letting go of self without ulterior motive.  I must become willing to give of my life in some way to others.  Even when it doesn’t seem to fit for me, I must step out in faith to give of myself and know that You will use me to be a blessing to others – I do not have to understand or know the HOW of it.

AA and OA are other avenues for me to provide love and service simply by showing up.  AA’s Big Book, Chapter 7 – Working with Others says, “To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.”  In trying to find my place to serve, AA reminds me, “Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful.”  Of course, AA is talking about helping the still suffering alcoholic but, I can’t help but think You are pleased when I help in any way, any one that I can.  Besides, how foolish of me to presume to know how I will find the still suffering alcoholic or compulsive overeater!  They are as likely to be in a nursing home or on a sick bed as anywhere else in the world.  Yes?

Along with feeding others with the Body of Christ, I can offer my hope and my expectancy in Your Love — the Love that can heal and help, bless, erich and gladden others.

Everybody can be great because anybody can serve.  You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.