churchDear God,

It is still morning but just barely.  I have been delinquent this week in having my prayer time first thing in the morning before I begin my day.  This morning’s reading seems again to be handpicked for me.  Sr. Joyce Rupp asks the question, “What are the first fruits that I am bringing to God?”  Naturally, I thought this was going to be about tithing but instead she writes about her prayer life as a first fruit to God.  “If, I begin the day with prayer, I offer my first fruits:  the freshness of my mind, body and spirit, which allow me to stay more focused and open.”  Conversely, she says that the end of the day offers You more weariness and inattentiveness than otherwise.

Guilty.  This reminds me I haven’t been to confession lately.  Deciding to volunteer at the nursing home has pricked my conscious on my neglect of making a recent confession.  After all, if I am going to deliver the Body of Christ, I should be as clear a vehicle as possible.  I have just reviewed my list for examination of conscience and can count the following sins:

  1. Pursuit of God and sanctity has not been the priority in my life (as least not to the level that I feel is sufficient – I have become distracted);
  2. I have missed Sunday Mass;
  3. Bodily health has been mismanaged – i.e. my compulsive eating has been out of check – I have been destructive toward my body;
  4. I’m sure I have been impatient, angry, envious, proud, jealous, lazy (maybe not revengeful);
  5. Impure thoughts
  6. I have spoken ill of others.  Not sure I have always told the truth;
  7. I have not been mindful of the poor;
  8. I have at times behaved selfishly and not been surrendered to God’s will for me;
  9. All the seven deadly sins – pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth.

In AA/OA, this is Step five – Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  I have done this Step before but, just like now it takes me a while to get myself to practice it regularly.  The 12/12 says, “It is human nature to cling to the illusion that we have done no wrong, and through years of compulsive eating (or____________), we have become experts at rationalization.  Now, with God’s help, we leave rationalization behind and begin to practice integrity.”  Step five allows me to be humbled without being humiliated.

“If you live by the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.  Galatians 5:16

Renunciation is a piercing virtue.
The letting go
A presence for an expectation.
………..Emily Dickinson

photo by Sam82@flickr.com