PrayingWithMyFingers

Dear God,
I think I am finally hitting bottom with my food addiction/compulsion.  I know this because I recognize all the signs and symptoms from hitting bottom over 20 years ago with alcoholism.  The signs and symptoms include feelings of powerlessness, anger, grief, fear, confusion and being overwhelmed.  Now, just like 20 years ago, it seems as though things are getting worse rather than better.
After having a decadently rich brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream Thursday evening at Euphemia Hayes’ restaurant, I had an extreme sugar crash Friday afternoon.  …

Dear God,
In spite of yesterday’s hair shenanigans, the day ended with a wonderful evening with Jamie (my financial planner from Chicago) at Euphemia Haye on Longboat Key (one of my favorite restaurants).  I woke up this morning with the phrase “show me the money” running through my head.  The phrase first became popular in the 1996 movie, Jerry Maguire, although I am not clear on its original meaning, for me it has to do with showing what’s real, showing the truth.  Remembering last night’s dinner, I am reflecting on Jamie.
I …

Dear God,
It’s official.  I am insane.  “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  I first heard this saying in the rooms of AA.  I just found out today that Albert Einstein is attributed with saying it first.  The insanity of alcoholism is the alcoholic’s persistent return to alcohol in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is destroying his or her life, over and over again.
So, I don’t drink anymore but the insanity of making the same mistake over and over again still survives.  …

Dear God,
Restless, irritable, discontented.  I first heard about being restless, irritable and discontented in the Doctor’s Opinion in AA’s Big Book:  “They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity.”  Being restless, irritable, and discontented now are signs that I may be close to or in a danger zone and potentially susceptible to wanting to use something to change my mood.
I’m not all three this morning …

Dear God,
As I sit listening to the silence, I think how very different this morning is from the stormy morning of yesterday.  Most people probably don’t know that silence has a sound – well except for Simon and Garfunkel – but their thoughts on silence don’t really fit with mine.  I revel in the blessed Silence because I know that is where and how I can be closest to You.
Another strange aspect of the morning is that I have a sense of Fall – that’s a strange feeling in the …

Dear God,
The morning skies are ominous — windy, dark, almost pre-hurricane conditions.  The tree branches and wind chimes are swaying outside my patio window as the rain begins to mix with the thunder and lightening.  Karen Carpenter’s song “Rainy Days and Mondays” pops into my head.  Again, I have to check my inner temperature to see where I am in relation to You and the rest of the world.  I discover that my tendency is to look for highs or lows and then I remember that there is something in …