Lent and Lint

lent1 Dear God,

Good Morning. I’m up in burrrrrr-land and have decided to check in with You. January 25, 2010 – my last letter to You. Maybe You haven’t noticed since You have a whole world to watch over but, I am compelled to confess my neglect…Catholic guilt and all that. I have occasionally made the sign of the cross and promised to get back to You really soon. Now, almost three weeks later, here I am.

Where have I been? Good question. Of course, I have my old standby excuse of being in Tallahassee and overwhelmed with the work hours. But, let’s face it. It is an excuse. I’ve celebrated a birthday since my last letter. Got to see my beautiful daughter – the best gift no matter the occasion — and heard from many friends who helped me feel special.

As for the remainder of those missing days, I have been pretty much “checked out.” I had a therapist once who told me that Tallahassee is “toxic” for me. Her reasoning was that I completely “throw myself under the bus,” when in Tallahassee. I don’t eat right, I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t pray and meditate, I don’t get to church, I don’t do anything except eat, drink (not alcohol) and breathe the job. Problem is I don’t know how to do this job any other way!

Now, with Lent just around the corner, I am assessing whether or not I might finally break this bad cycle. Lent, of course, is a time of self-examination – retreating into the wilderness with Jesus. During this time the focus is on prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial. Forty days long, it represents the time Jesus spent in the wilderness facing temptation from Satan. Some people might think of this as “naval gazing” and/or lint-picking. Ironically, lint represents the “stuff” that gets on our clothes and that we are constantly trying to pick off, roll off and remove. Lent also represents getting rid of debris and “stuff” that clings to us and needs removing.

It is a time to repent – “to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one’s life for the better; be penitent.” Fr. Thomas Keating, one of my favorite teachers, says that repent simply means to change the direction in which you are going. I think if I am truly sorry for past actions, I must change my direction and my sorrow will be reflected in my actions.

Last night I watched the movie, Julie & Julia (second viewing) and was amazed by the power of a blog. When Julie Powell first started her blog, she had no idea it would lead to a book and a movie deal. Many days she wondered if anyone was reading about her cooking experiment. I know that feeling. The difference is that my blog is about soul searching and seeking to know You, God. Let’s face it. Not a very glamorous blog and not one that lends itself to others posting a response. After all, who wants to expose themselves in that way to the worldwide web?!! I am often intimidated by doing it myself. Nonetheless, I feel it is something I do for You and Your glory….not mine. To that end, I will endeavor to post my entire Lenten journey with you beginning on Ash Wednesday, February 17. May Your Will be done. Amen.

p.s. A helpful website I am using www.d365.org