PrayingWithMyFingers

Dear God,

Today is the give up day.  It has been a very long day.  Five hours of driving with puppies restless all the way topped off with a Doctor’s appointment dealing with HRT – HRT that’s NOT working.  Enough said!

So, at the end of this long, exhausting day, I am re-reading the morning’s devotions in order to reflect on my day and consider where I am on day 3 of Lent.  I am at the giving up place.  Dr. Seuss writes about the “waiting place,” but I am much more familiar with the giving up place.

Merton’s writing today speaks of Your mercy and how we should not fear You as a judge but trust in You and Your mercy.  Perhaps if I were more fearful I would be more motivated.  I treat my many personal failings more like “pets” than enemies of my soul.  I am unprepared for the soul work of these 40 days and work and social activities and puppies crowd You out.  Perhaps I trust too well in Your mercy.  Or, I am just a weak, undisciplined person.  Or, “teach me to understand that we are all sinners, groping our way toward You in a desert of forces arranged against us.”

What the mirror of today shows me is that it is difficult to look at and into myself and see so much weakness, so many faults, and so much lack of discipline, so little commitment to follow, serve and obey.  So, I give up for today and go to bed – to sleep, perchance to dream of a better me but believing every day is a new beginning and You are always by and on my side.  My third day of Lent has been a difficult day but a day of accepting how very much I need to continue this path of renewal and repentance.