deadlysinsDear God,

Lent:  Days 7, 8, 9 and 10 have come and gone.  Today is day 11.  Reminds me of that old saying, “nothing changes if nothing changes.”  I am an abject failure at Lent.  I want to be a true penitent and change my ways but the truth is I don’t want to go through the process of change.  I want You to wave a magic wand and make me perfect and wonderful without me having to suffer the disciplines required to change.  Truthfully, it is easier to languish in the seven deadly sins of anger, greed, sloth (laziness), pride, lust, envy and gluttony.  That’s what makes them soooo deadly…..they are easy and comforting and kill my motivation.  I feel like Dorothy when she was falling asleep in the poppies.  Part of her knew what was happening to her was deadly but, at the same time, it felt so good and all she wanted to do was let sleep come.

Today’s reading by Soren Kierkegaard discusses the difference between a follower of Christ and an admirer of Christ.  The call to be a disciple of Christ is different from being an “admirer.”

“The admirer never makes any true sacrifices.  He always plays it safe.  Though in word he is inexhaustible about how highly he prizes Christ, he renounces nothing, will not reconstruct his life, and will not let his life express what it is he supposedly admires.”

What about the follower?  “The follower aspires with all his strength to be what he admires.”

I feel sad to say that I am not yet a true follower.  But Lent is not over and, I will continue to focus on the goal of surrender and believe in Your Power to transform me.  Thomas Merton writes, “The function of self-denial is to lead to a positive increase of spiritual energy and life.  The Christian dies, not merely in order to die but in order to live.  And when he takes up his cross to follow Christ, the Christian realizes, or at least believes, that he is not going to die to anything but death.  The Cross is the trellis upon which grows the Mystical Vine whose life is infinite joy and whose branches we are.  If we want to share the life of the Vine, we must grow on the same trellis and must suffer the same pruning.”

My prayer today:  Help.  Amen.

photo by:  American Artist Ben Murphy@flickr.com